One summer afternoon, about thirty five years ago, I was tuning a piano in a middle class suburban home, when a gruff voice, aided by a bull horn, barked, "WE HAVE THE HOUSE SURROUNDED, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" I glanced out the window to see dozens of police cars forming a barricade around the house, with an army of police officers and federal agents brandishing enough weapons to arm a small third world country. I immediately dove under the grand piano. My first thought was that the lawmen had the wrong address. I had tuned the piano many times for this pleasant couple in their early sixties, and, their bachelor son in his forties, who still lived at home. Imagine my surprise when this seemingly normal family started pulling weapons of their own out of closets and from behind draperies! After peering out many windows, and accessing the situation, "Ma Barker" and her gang decided that they were out numbered and the best course of action was to give themselves up. The most chilling thing about the situation, besides my life flashing before my eyes, was how calm the family was and how quickly they reacted to the situation. This was like a normal day at the office to them. Under the piano, I was shaking like a frightened child. The son directed me to follow them out the front door with my hands up as the father waived a few sheets of white paper towel out the front door and shouted, "We are coming out. We are unarmed." We paraded down the front walk hands high in the air, dad still holding the paper towels in one hand. It was dad, mom, me, and the son bringing up the rear. It seemed like a hundred guns were trained on us. I remember thinking, if a car backfires a block away, we'll be cut down in a rain of bullets! Apparently the police knew this family and expected only three people to come out of the house, because, I could hear voices saying things like, "who's the fat guy?" The fat guy, of course, was me. I was actually relived when, at some point, a bunch of cops grabbed me, threw me onto a car hood, and handcuffed me in one smooth motion. All I could think of was that I was still alive. After giving a good account of myself I was released and escorted back into the house to retrieve my tools. It was on this walk that the officers told me this family were major drug distributors who supplied the local street dealers in the area. I had no idea. I thought I might be called upon at some point to testify at a trial or something, not that I knew anything, but, nothing ever happened. Aside form the arrest, nothing ever showed up in the news about a trial or the family. I guess they cut some kind of deal. Of course the news media at the scene tried to interview me, but, I just waived them off with a terse "no comment." I always wanted to say that.
