"QUEEN ELIZABETH" MEETS "CHASE UTLEY" OVER A CHEESESTEAK

Often, when tuning pianos in the Italian Market district of South Philadelphia, I would treat myself to a cheesesteak at GENO'S to wind up my night.  Joey Vento, an iconic Philadelphia character claimed to have started his eatery in 1966 with only fifteen dollars in his pocket and built it into a ten million dollar a year business.  Over the years, as South Philadelphia evolved from being a primarily Italian neighborhood, to a multi-cultural melting pot, Joey Vento grew irritated with those who refused to make English their primary language as his family had. Around 2007 Joey posted a sign at the counter at GENO'S which read: " THIS IS AMERICA.  WHEN ORDERING PLEASE SPEAK ENGLISH."   Many people thought the sign to be racist and the Philadelphia city fathers launched a campaign to force Vento to remove the sign.  Joey refused, and the legal battle raged on for years with Joey Vento emerging the winner.  The sign remains to this day. During the course of the controversy the press coverage grew to international proportions.  A woman from Manchester England followed the stories and came to admire Joey's grit. So it was that when she got to vacation in Philadelphia she waisted little time in making a visit to GENO'S

The night I arrived at GENO'S for my dinner I noticed a confused,middle aged, women dressed in a dark green dress with white pokadots, accessorized with white shoes, white handbag, and a white pill box hat.  It was her hat and heavy British accent that caused me to dub her "Queen Elizabeth."  I asked as to the cause of her distress and she told me she had not realized the menu of steak sandwiches was so extensive with numerous options.  She had no idea of what to order to be sure she had tasted an authentic Philly cheesesteak. Although it is not my personal favorite, I told her a steak with CHEEZ WHIZ and fried onions is what most Philly natives consider the classic.  As I walked her up to the order window I taught her how to order like a true Philadelphian. "One, wit, Whiz, here."  You should have heard it in her British accent!  I decided to keep her company as we sat at one of the outdoor picnic type tables and had our meal.  Somewhere from the depths of her over sized purse she managed to produce a knife and fork to eat her sandwich with.  If she thought I was a barbaric American eating with my hands, she never said.

As I was learning her reasons for dining at GENO'S a rowdy group of Phillies fans showed up wearing team caps and jerseys.  The Phillies had lost, and, as the fans waited on line for their steaks, the language grew rough and salty. The F word was flying!  My new friend from Manchester was becoming quite upset.  She commented that her nephew was a Rugby player back home, and, when his team lost a game they, "took it on the chin.  The did not behave like animals!"  It was then I realized that she thought the crowd on line was the actual Phillies team, not, fans in costume. I walked over to the folks on line and asked the fans to tone it down a notch or two because they were disgracing the team in the eyes of a visitor from England.  Surprisingly they complied.  Then, one man dressed in a Utley jersey approached our table hat in hand.  I caught his sly wink as he said "Pardon me lady, I'm Chase Utley, and I just want to apologise on behalf of the entire Phillies team.  Our behaviour was way out of line."  He put his cap back on and strode back to the rest of his group.  The "Queen" was charmed, and clearly, all was forgiven.

When I got home and relayed the incident to my wife she scolded me for not telling the lady the truth, that she had not really met the great second base player Chase Utley.  I, on the other hand, just smiled at the thought of the great tale she would have to tell the folks back in Manchester.