THE COMPLIMENT

For more than a decade I maintained a large scale garden railroad in the front yard of my home.  The railroad consisted of LGB large sized trains running thru a garden setting which featured buildings, rock work, a pond, and over a dozen varieties of miniature plants from around the world. It combined my hobby of railroading with my wife's interest in gardening. My daughter Jane's Papillon dog Cinnamon served as our security guard. The railway became quite an attraction in our neighborhood and I would host an open house most Sunday afternoons for friends, neighbors, and piano tuning customers. Often I would allow visitors to operate the trains.  On one visit, piano clients of mine asked if it would be possible for them to come back on a weekday and bring their elderly parents who were visiting from Japan.  We set up a date.

The day our visitors from Japan arrived, I expected they would stay about an hour.  To my surprise the elderly parents spent nearly three hours bending and stooping to inspect every plant leaf and patch of moss. Because they spoke little English, other family members translated their questions to me and my answers to them.  It seemed like every person present was toting at least two cameras and hundreds of photographs and videos were taken.  As the afternoon grew long, my wife Lois came out and invited everyone inside for refreshments.

Once inside our house, the visitors became interested interested in viewing and photographing the many items my wife and I enjoyed collecting, as well as, playing with our seven Papillon show dogs while inspecting their trophies.  At some point the elderly grandfather ran out of steam and plopped down on our sofa for a much needed rest.  Meanwhile, the rest of the family was admiring a miniature doll house my daughter Jane was building. His wife asked where Jane was able to buy the tiny furniture and my wife explained, thru the translator, that Jane built it herself.  At this point I had joined the grandfather on the sofa.  Upon hearing the translated answer, he stood up and started inspecting the sofa he had been sitting on.  He lifted up cushions and vigorously shook the arms and back.  Finally he bowed towards me and grinned.  In what English he could muster he said, "good, yes, nice job!"

THERE'S ALWAYS A JOEL

Over the years, I have tuned pianos for a few Joels, and have concluded that, if you want your next baby boy to be a success name him Joel. Joels usually do well in life. Just look at Pastor Joel Osteen or Joel Grey (PHOTO), beloved star of the musical Cabaret. I had occasion to meet Joel Grey and was surprised to learn he is an equally famous photographer. Joels are over achievers! Of course, the first Joel we know of is the the prophet who lived about 800 years before Christ in Judah. He wrote the Book Of Joel, so short, it's barely a pamphlet, and it not only made the Jewish Tanakh, but, also the Christian Old Testament. Talk about syndication! Michael Angelo also painted Joel on the ceiling of the Sisting Chapel, bypassing many other prophets who wrote bigger books. Joel had some publicist!

According to the United States Census Bureau Joel is a fairly popular boy's name. It, of course, is of Hebrew origin. It means: Jehovah Is The Lord. In modern times it means: Joel is the boss. The really BIG boss. Look high enough up in any large corporate structure and there is always a Joel. In the halls of commerce Joel is equal to Elvis or Liza. No title or last name needed. The underlings speak it in reverent tones. "Has Joel approved this?" "This directive comes right from Joel."

I decided to test the power of the name Joel. I would walk into a big department store and bring a small purchase to the courtesy desk. "This will be going on sale in about two weeks," I'd say, "but, I'm a friend of Joel in cooperate and he said to tell you it was ok to give me the 15% off today." It never failed. When checking into a chain hotel like a Hilton I'd say, "Did Joel from corporate remember to call and request a room upgrade for my wife and I?" Often we got suite for the price of a room. Several summers ago I was walking the boardwalk at Ocean City New Jersey on an evening just after a small hurricane had hit. I noticed a TV news crew from a major Philadelphia station setting up to do a clip to run live on the eleven o clock news. I went several blocks down the boardwalk and started telling groups of teenage girls to go up to the news van and tell the crew that Joel said to put them on live to give their impressions of the storm. After a while I walked back up by the van and stood in a crowd of folks watching the crew set up. From this vantage point I could hear the anchor woman and camera guy asking the girls if they were sure this is what Joel wanted. About a dozen excited teens assured them that this was what Joel himself said. The anchor woman, still doubting, called the station headquarters on her cell phone. She asked whomever answered her call, "Do we have a Joel? We do. I don't suppose he's there now." I guess the person on the other end of the line informed her that Joel was too important to be working at 10:45 at night. The anchor woman sighed and yelled to the camera crew, "we'd better put the girls on." I had just programed the news. I smiled. There's always a Joel.

SIGNS I'VE SEEN.

In my years as a piano technician and musician I've spent a lot of time driving. In an average work day about half the time is spent behind the wheel. When I chance to see an interesting road sign or billboard I make a note of it. Following are some of my favorites:

Sign at a restaurant entrance: REST ROOM FOR PATRONS ONLY. HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU.

Posted at a convent parking area: NO PARKING ANY TIME. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW. SISTERS OF MERCY.

Sign for an auto repair shop: SHAFTOS GARAGE.

Sign for the name of a bar: HE'S NOT HERE.

Posted on a fast food drive thru window: BRAILLE MENU AVAILABLE.

Displayed on the rear of a delivery truck: DRIVER HAS NO CASH, HE'S MARRIED.

Sign on a beauty salon: CURL UP AND DYE.

A billboard message: THIS SUNDAY BEFORE THE GAME LET'S MEET AT MY HOUSE. GOD.

Sign on the office of a septic tank pumping company: MY WIFE KEEPS HER NOSE OUT OF MY BUSINESS.

Sign at the gate of a Victorian mansion: TRESPASSERS WILL DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE.

Warning sign: HOSPITAL ZONE. NO BARKING. Apparently in this town there are people who bark, or, dogs that can read.

Sign on a Church at the sea shore:  OUR LIFEGUARD WALKS ON WATER

Some interesting street name signs I've encountered: PENNY LANE. EASY STREET. NO NAME ROAD. SESAME STREET. SHADES OF DEATH ROAD. Google that last one.