HAPPY BIRTHDAY THREESOME menage a trois

One warm spring afternoon I arrived at a client's home to tune her piano.  As I parked my car at the curb, a young blonde woman pulled up in a sporty red convertible and parked directly behind me.  As I got out of my car she exited hers.  As I walked up the front walk she walked a few paces behind me. When I arrived at the front door she stood next to me and asked if I were the man of the house.  I explained I was the piano tuner.  She smiled and said, "Are you going to ring the door bell or should I?" I rang.  My client opened the door.  Flustered and red faced she told the young women to head upstairs and explained to me that she had forgotten our appointment and it was her husband's birthday.  He had always fantasized about he and his wife having a threesome with a pretty young blondie.  His wife had arranged the menage a trois as his birthday present.  I offered to come back another time to tune the piano but my client brushed the idea off by saying, "You'll be downstairs and we'll be upstairs.  I'll pay you now and you can just let yourself out."  The three were fairly noisy so it was a very erotic piano tuning.  When I got home that evening I told my wife about the incident.  I prefaced with, "Honey, what were you thinking about for my birthday?"

THE AMERICAN DREAM

IF you are not from the Northeast Corridor, you may not recognize the gentleman pictured to the right. He was legendary Philadelphia radio talk show host, Irv Homer. At age 21 he was piloting B-17s for the Army Air Force and flew 15 bombing missions out of Italy. After the war, Irv held a number of jobs such as painting, wallpapering, and bar tending. He eventually owned two taverns, from which, he started calling into radio talk shows. He was a thoughtful and provocative caller. By the 1960's he was hired by a number of stations in the Philadelphia market as a talk show host. THE IRV HOMER SHOW became so popular that, by the mid 1970's, he joined powerhouse WWDB-FM radio, and later, also became a regular panelist on ABC's inside story on WPVI-TV. Somewhere along the way Irving Homer picked up the moniker, "Evil Irving." This was due to the fact that he was a truth telling iconoclast who called things as he saw them, political correctness be damned! His straight to the point manner probably kept his show from being Nationally syndicated. In reality Irving was far from being "evil" and gave selflessly to many causes and charities. In the mid 1980"s he died of a heart attack during an appearance at a local college. I had the pleasure of being on his program a number of times and working with him on some civic projects. Irv's success is a textbook example of "The American Dream." It is ironic, that in later life, Irv often said, "The American Dream works for everyone but Americans!"

IRV defined Americans as white Anglo-Saxons who believe in an "I got mine, you get yours" philosophy. Who live above their means via credit cards. Who worship sports and leisure activities. "The Romans knew it, give them bread and circuses," Irv would shout into his microphone. He often waxed eloquently on how other cultures in America focus on family unity. How they work endless hours at multiple low paying jobs to achieve a better life for their children. How they do without to buy the best education. How they help one another start their own business. I have seen many examples of what Irv was talking among my piano tuning clients. Following are a few:

A Korean doctor, I tune for, works for free at a cousin's produce store several nights a week, to save his cousin labor costs until the new business takes hold. Few patrons know a general surgeon is trimming their produce.

I had tuned the piano for a Chinese girl since she was five. In her senior year of high school she asked me my opinion of some colleges she was considering attending as a classical music major. I told her it was extremely difficult to make it as a concert pianist, especially for a female. I recommended making music her minor and majoring in something she could actually make a living at. She explained that she had no need to earn money. Her entire family, siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, had chipped in for a trust fund that would support her modestly for many years to come. She could afford to play mostly benefits. Any monies she might sometimes earn would be extra. "Why would they do such a thing," I asked? She replied, "Just for the bragging rights of having a concert pianist in the family."

A couple from India who lived in the back room of their donut shop made sure their young children had piano lessons and a well tuned piano to practice on. They lived in the back of the store for years, until they expanded their business to three locations. Later, they bought a mansion in one of the premier communities in my area. The house is expensively furnished. Several luxury cars grace the circular driveway. I now tune their Steinway grand.

I work mostly at night since few people will take a day off from work to have a piano tuned. In most homes, that are not Anglo-Saxon, I usually find the entire family gathered around the dining room table doing school work. Older kids help the younger. Dad and mom aid and encourage all. Usually all the children take music lessons. TV, video games, and sports activities are minimal.
Dad does not come home from work and crash on the sofa. Children do not hide out in their rooms. Everyone eats dinner together. Evil Irving would contend that these families are living the real American Dream.

THEY JUST CALL ME RAY

I met Ray Charles on three occasions. Twice I tuned pianos for his concerts, and once a family friend, who is a private pilot, flew him to an engagement and invited me along for the ride. I almost wished I had stayed home when Ray, despite the fact that he was blind, asked if he could fly the plane for a bit and my friend let him take the controls! My most vivid memory of Ray Charles, however, involves a showdown with a famous maestro, who, due largely to modesty, asked me not to mention him by name. The maestro was to conduct a large orchestra that was performing a tribute to Ray's music and Ray was appearing as the featured soloist. On some songs both Ray, and the maestro, would be playing two Steinway pianos in duets. I tuned both instruments. When I was finished the maestro and Ray sat down at their respective pianos to make certain they were satisfied with the harmony of the two Steinways together. Ray broke away form the regular score and played a sassy jazz riff. Acknowledging Ray's "challenge" the maestro played the same riff just as well and added a bit more to it. Ray responded by matching the maestro's performance and added yet more, upping the ante. What Ray didn't know, or, may have forgotten, is that prior to becoming an orchestra conductor, the maestro had a whole other career as a jazz pianist and had won many honors including DOWNBEAT MAGAZINE'S annual jazz poll and the famed Newport Jazz Festival. In fact he had won both several times! So it was that when Ray sent forth his next challenge from the keyboard the maestro, who had grown tired of the game, cut loose with an astonishing full keyboard multi arpeggio that contained elements of jazz, classical, blues, and whatever else flew out of his fingers at lightning speed. Ray just threw both his hands up in the air in surrender and shook his head. Ray's good natured comment was, "I guess that's why the call him maestro, and they just call me Ray."

MONEY IS NOT WEALTH

THE CALL: I have tuned pianos located on yachts, railroad cars, even airplanes, so, when I was called to tune a piano in a warehouse on the Philadelphia waterfront, it did not surprise me. What did get my attention was stepping thru the door of the aging brick and sheet metal structure to find myself in a garden, which graced the entrance of a large stone mansion. My first thought was that it was a movie set facade, until the front door opened, and a butler ushered me into the foyer. As my eyes darted about, taking in details, I realized I was in a real house. People actually lived here. It was 1972 and I was in the "home" of one of the wealthiest women in the world. A woman I never expected to meet, let alone wind up working as her secretary for almost a year!
THE WOMAN: My client turned out to be a member of a famous international banking family. She introduced herself simply as Marge.(not real name) Sensing my curiosity, she explained that people in her position run the risk of being kidnapped by third world types who try to fund their revolutionary causes by holding multi billionaires for ransom. Therefore, unusual security measures were called for, such as, a mansion secluded in a warehouse. After I started working as her secretary, I discovered she did not even own a car. Rented limos,taxi cabs, and, car services were used to make her movements difficult to track. She had her own security force who escorted her, and, her teenage son, everywhere, and also guarded the warehouse. Marge, a long time widow, was an attractive plump woman about fifty. Her son, the piano player, was in his late teens. They lived in the mansion with a handful of trusted servants. The mansion also contained an office area for employees who tended to Marge's business interests. As I tuned the piano Marge sat nearby watching me work and asking occasional questions such as how long I had been tuning pianos,was I married, kids, pets, etc. I got the eerie feeling that she already knew what my answers would be.
THE OFFER: I'm neither shy, nor stupid. I swung around on the piano bench to face Marge directly. I told her I could tell the piano had been taken care of regularly, so, I was sure she already had a good tuner. Also, given the security situation, I doubted her staff pulled my name out of the phone book. She admitted to knowing a number of my other clients and to having read various articles I had written for local publications. At that time, I was writing freelance for a number of local newspapers and magazines, a combination hobby and part time job for a young guy with a growing family. She noted that I had several times written that I stayed up half of the night. I noted that since few people take a day off from work to get a piano tuned, it was mostly a 3pm to 10pm job. I normally arose at noon and retired around 5am. At that point, Marge confided that she was an insomniac who napped frequently, but, seldom actually slept. One of her many secretaries, who worked part time from 11pm to 4 am, Monday thru Thursday, was leaving. The job required excellent writing skills. "How much does it pay," I asked? Marge fixed her eyes on me and said, "One of your responsibilities will be writing checks. Write yourself a check each week based on whatever you think your services were worth. If you are being too generous to yourself, I'll fire you." I liked her style. I took the job.
THE JOB: The requirement of exceptional writing skills proved to be untrue, save for writing an occasional letter or R.S.V.P. Mostly I worked the phones, getting people on the line that Marge wanted to speak to. Despite the fact that it was the wee hours of the morning, Marge would have me call bankers, politicians, judges, entertainers, team owners, sometimes, even The White House. Everyone took her call, or, returned it promptly. Her rolodex seemed to contain the home, or mobile number, of most of the important people in the world. Many calls were not pleasant. Marge would berate some half awake congressman saying, "You idiot! Do you think we put you in office to pull a dumb stunt like that? Fix it. Understand?" She would slam the phone down for dramatic effect. The WE she referred to were the others of her ilk. The super wealthy from all around the globe who hold no office, but, run everything. I learned that the life blood of every business, or country, is banking. If you control the banks, you control everything. I could also summon anyone, be they a senator, or, bank president, to the warehouse at any hour that Marge desired. If I told them that Marge wanted to see them at 2:15 AM they showed up, hat in hand. I learned from Marge a new version of The Golden Rule. He who has the gold, makes the rules!
MONEY IS NOT WEALTH: Marge made this point to me by grabbing a stack of fifties out of our "petty cash" drawer and setting them on fire in a waste basket. She said,"See John, cash burns. Money can be stolen, destroyed, devalued. It's useful as a medium of exchange, but, it's not real wealth. Wealth is buildings, land, oil, gas, minerals, precious metals, silver, gold, gems, all of which I have. Paper money is expendable. I don't even know how much of it I have. Actually, people who know how much money they have, don't have that much of it." Part of my job was to use the "worthless" paper money to accomplish whatever Marge wanted. Theater tickets to sold out shows. Tables at the finest restaurants. Private boxes at sporting events. Hotel suites. Charted planes. Anything was available at a moments notice, if, cost was no object. I once hired Duke Ellington, and his entire orchestra, to play at a dinner party for just six people!
EXIT STRATEGY: Eventually, Marge and I formed a comfortable friendship. Many evenings we did not work at all, just talked or watched TV. I often escorted her to social affairs, honing my skills as a raconteur, and, gaining access to people who were normally hard to get interviews with. This moved my freelance writing from local to national publications. Marge was quite generous to my family and I, and, I stayed with her for almost a year before I quit. Why? My first love was, and still is, piano tuning. (See blog: The 88 Key Addiction) The more time I spent with Marge, the less I tuned pianos. Also, the power that I had acting on her behalf, became quite seductive. I had to constantly remind myself that some senator, sports team owner, or, starlet was only chatting it up with me because of Marge. We Welsh have a saying, "Every string has its end." Marge took my resignation with resignation. Almost, as if she had expected it. She made no attempt to change my mind. She just asked that I stay a few more weeks to wrap up some loose ends. "Besides," she winked, "I need time to buy you a parting gift."
THE PARTING GIFT: When one of the richest women in the world says she is buying you a gift, all kinds of thoughts go thru your head. You're like a kid waiting for Santa. On my last day, Marge handed me a thick envelope. "Something you wouldn't buy for yourself,"she said, "a token of my appreciation." The gift turned out to be the deeds to four adjoining cemetery plots in Philadelphia's ritzy, high society, cemetery. My family and I were to someday rest in peace with the rich and famous. Years later, after Marge died, I disposed of the plots.
LATER YEARS: I tuned the piano at the warehouse a few times a year until the mansion was vacated after Marge's death. Sometimes, I would encounter her, but, usually I dealt with a servant. Last year, I took my grandson to see the warehouse which is still standing, and, the mansion still looks to be inside. The complex is now surrounded by a high chain link fence. From rust on the padlock and chain on the double gate, it looks like it has been many years since anyone has been there. A motorized security camera mounted on one corner of the warehouse scanned back and forth. After 36 years one wonders who pays for it, or, who's watching?

FRANK SINATRA "All Aboard!"

SINATRA THE ENIGMA: For several years now many readers of this blog have asked me when I would write about my experiences with Frank Sinatra. I kept putting it off since the subject of Sinatra is vast, complex, and, controversial. Since his death in 1998 at age 82 it seems like a new book comes out every year outlining his remarkable career and promising that the author has gotten to the root of what Sinatra was really like. No one gets it entirely right because Frank was a many faceted person and people became familiar only with those aspects of his personality he chose to show them. Over the years I interacted with him as a musician, piano technician, and fellow toy train enthusiast. I might just as well have been dealing with three different people. Add to this the legends and rumors that surrounded him, most of which he neither confirmed nor denied, and it's no wonder he was a hard character to nail down. I eventually decided not to attempt to do what so many others failed to accomplish. Therefore, I will confine my narrative to our mutual hobby of collecting and operating toy trains. All aboard!

SINATRA THE COLLECTOR: Frank collected and operated toy trains, a hobby that should not be confused with model railroading. Toy trains are the big, heavy, colorful, noisy electric trains that were most popular from the 1920's to 1960's and were a fixture under most families Christmas trees. Almost every major department store had an operating layout on display during the holiday season. As a youngster growing up in Hoboken, New Jersey, Frank made the pilgrimage to Manhattan whenever possible to view the department store holiday layouts and the year round showroom layouts at the Lionel and American Flyer headquarters. Most of us who collect toy trains got hooked on them as kids. Operating them on our home layouts takes us back to our childhood times. The hobby has wide appeal to people in high stress professions. For example, of the nearly thirty thousand active toy train enthusiasts in the United States, the largest single professional group represented are doctors followed by corporate CEOs and CFOs, lawyers, business owners, and, clergymen. People in show business, although the smallest professional group, are naturally the most visible. Besides Mr. "S" there is Neil Young, Rod Stewart, Mandy Patinkin, and, Joe Regalbuto. Now deceased, there was Jackie Gleason, Tom Snyder, Ward Kimball, Dudley Moore, Arthur Godfrey, Tommy Dorsey, and Gary Coleman. In my more than fifty years in the hobby I have had the pleasure of visiting the home layouts of many of these famous collectors. Many celebrity train layouts can be viewed via the Internet. TM BOOKS AND VIDEOS, www.tmbooks-video.com a.k.a. Tom McComas Productions offers many videos of celebrities showing off their home layouts. The one on Frank Sinatra is excellent. For more photos of Frank and his trains see my notes at the end of this blog:

SINATRA'S TRAIN LAYOUT: Hoboken is one of New Jersey's premier communities, but, that was not the case in the "roaring twenties" when the youngster Frank Sinatra started to take an interest in toy trains. Hoboken was the low rent district. In later life Frank would quip, "I was born in Hoboken, but, today, I couldn't afford to live there." Most folks in his neighborhood could not buy electric trains which have always been costly, but, so the story goes, Frank's mother pawned an old fox fur piece she had acquired and bought him his first set of trains. Another often heard tale has Frank and various friends jumping aboard a streetcar every now and then and traveling the dozen miles or so to the Lionel train factory where they would rummage thru the trash bins after hours in search of discarded train parts. From the parts they would cobble together whole trains. Typical of the Sinatra mystique, Frank never confirmed or denied either story. In his glory years Sinatra would stroll the Lionel factory floors with Joshua Lionel Cowen himself as Frank picked out the latest Lionel offerings to add to his growing collection.
Frank collected trains from almost all the major manufactures the world over. The value of his collection eventually exceeded a million dollars. Of course, once the word got out that Sinatra loved toy trains, many came to him as gifts including an antique locomotive courtesy of the Vatican. Tommy Dorsey, one of the first bandleaders Frank worked for, had a huge train layout in the basement of his Bernardsville, New Jersey mansion which Frank enjoyed visiting and operating. Frank was also quite taken with the 1949 Macys, New York, holiday display layout. Sinatra's personal toy train layout not only surpassed both the Dorsey and Macys layouts, but, also gave the Lionel Corporations New York showroom layout a good run for the money! However, the Sinatra collection and layout was not about owning the most toys. It was about fun. I never saw him more relaxed than when he was cleaning or oiling a locomotive, or, at the controls while four or five trains roared around his layout. At the holidays Frank often had neighborhood kids in to not only look at, but, actually operate his layout. The fact that some trains were occasionally damaged by the overly enthusiastic kids did not upset him. Perhaps he remembered his childhood. Frank's fabulous layout and collection were housed in a special building at his Rancho Mirage estate in Palm Springs, California known simply as "The Compound." The two plus acre walled compound sat on the seventeenth fairway of the Tamarisk Country Club and, as I recall, consisted of about eight buildings, tennis and handball courts, and a swimming pool. Some of the buildings were small houses for guests. One was Frank's art studio (another hobby). One was a replica of a Santa Fe railroad caboose that was built up from an actual railroad flat car. I think it was used as a barber shop and exercise room. The trains resided in a replica of an actual railroad station that was located in Ramsey, New Jersey. Lionel also made a reasonable model of this same station. Sinatra crammed his station from the floor to the rafters with wooden display cases and shelves brimming with trains of every type and manufacturer. The huge layout dominated the center of the room. Five trains could be operated simultaneously on the layout while others ran on separate loops or around the ceiling. A prominent area of the layout depicted Frank's home town of Hoboken. Another area of the station served as a library nook for Sinatra's many train books and periodicals.

MR."S" AND ME: In the early 60's I worked in Hollywood as a studio musician and song writer for several major record labels. On occasion I would have reason to interact with Sinatra and we developed a nodding acquaintance. When I opted for the more quiet lifestyle of a piano technician, Frank's long time pianist Bill Miller would call upon me for piano work which eventually led me to occasionally service Frank's personal pianos. At some point Sinatra saw my photo in one of the train magazines he regularly read and made the connection. He looked me up in the national directory of the TRAIN COLLECTORS ASSOCIATION, of which we were both members, and the next time he was performing in my area called me to ask if he could visit my layout. Since we were both night owls we agreed that a late night visit was best for security reasons. Frank arrived around midnight along with his driver and a body guard and we wound up playing with trains till around dawn.
It is reasonable to ask why Sinatra would take interest in me. Collecting toy trains has never been a hobby for the faint of wallet and my income level was upper middle class at best. However, I could write, and so I did, for almost all the major publications in the hobby. This led me to becoming a nationally recognized train "expert" and much in demand as a speaker and clinician at train conventions and shows. This brought many people, who wanted to sell the old trains they found in dad's attic after he passed away, to my door. Manufactures also mailed me their latest new trains in hopes I would mention them in one of my articles. Technically these trains were loaned to me for review and would be picked up by a representative of the company sometime in the future. I'm still waiting. I also had many of my own trains from my youth. Trains were the only birthday or Christmas presents I ever asked for. They made a great foundation to build my collection on. During the 1970s and 80s the general public had no interest in old toy trains and piano tuning clients often gifted me with boxes of trains they were anxious to rid their homes of. So, for Sinatra's part, he had access to a knowledgeable train enthusiast with a first class collection. More than that, however, we shared a lot of common interests. We both collected foreign trains from all over the world. Most collectors stick to American prototypes. Although most collectors prefer freight trains, both Frank and I favored passenger trains and our collections were heavily weighted in their direction. Sinatra, of course, rode passenger trains frequently in the early years of his career. Many enthusiast's have a lot of trains in their collections, for display purposes only, that do not work. Frank and I both agreed that every item in a collection should be operable and spent a lot of extra time and money restoring our trains to top running condition. Sinatra and I were also of the mind that no train was too rare or valuable to operate. We both owned the rare and highly coveted 1957 Lionel pink girl's train sets. Although they were beyond valuable, we both frequently operated them on our layouts. Neither of us were much into the mint, never opened, boxed train sets so many collectors strive to acquire. We both felt that toy trains were made to be toys, and, made to be played with. Over the years we met up at train conventions, shows, swap meets, auctions, etc. We also frequented many hobby shops, after regular hours, of course, and visited numerous layouts of fellow train collectors. Toy trains transported Sinatra light years away from concerts, movies, and, his legendary LasVegas "rat pack." No glitz. No glamour. Just lots of fun!
NOTES;  The November 2015 issue of CLASSIC TOY TRAINS MAGAZINE  has an extensive article on page 28 which features many details and photos of Sinatra's train layout as well as some commentary by me.  The December 2015 issue of CLASSIC TOY TRAINS has vintage photos of Frank and his trains contributed by his grandaughter. See also February 1998 issue of the same magazine.  If you GOOGLE frank sinatra john aaron and/or  frank sinatra lionel trains and/or  frank sinatra house you will find more photos and a several videos including one which is a tour of Frank's entire home including the train layout.