CANINE PROTOCOL

About forty years ago,I was tuning a piano in the sitting room of a private country club on Philadelphia's posh "Main Line" when I heard the distinct sound of a pack of hounds. It was the middle of summer, much too hot for fox hunting. I went to the window and observed a jack rabbit being chased by a large pack of beagle dogs, who were being pursued by about a dozen people on foot wearing clothing similar to that which is worn for fox hunting, but, green in color, rather than red. I recalled seeing something similar when, as a youngster, my grandparents took me to Wales to visit some of our relatives. I recalled the activity was called beagleing. A rabbit is not as fast as a fox, and a beagle is not as fast as a fox hound, so, you can run on foot behind the pack. Some time later the beagle chasers came in for afternoon tea and an elderly gent plopped himself in a chair next to the piano. He was gasping for breath as the sweat rolled down his face and neck and disappeared into the collar of his heavy woolen jacket. When he had regained his composure I spoke, "Pardon me sir, I understand the sport of beagleing, but, not the clothing. Since it's summer, why not just wear tennis outfits? It would be so much cooler." He glared at me in disbelief, sizing me up for the peasant that I am, and stated in a disparaging tone of voice, "After all, young man, one owes it to the hounds." Thereafter, if any of our dogs needed some expensive pet accessory, or, if we were handed a large veterinary bill, I would turn to my wife and say, "well my dear, one owes it to the hounds."

HAIL TO THE CHIEF

FACT TO KNOW: When President Clinton was in the midst of his scandals, someone leveled the accusation that, while he was a governor, he used state police officers to find him women to have liaisons with. I don't recall if this charge was ever proved.

THE STORY: It would surprise many to learn that New Jersey has a number of Indian tribes, and, that many tribal members play the piano. Some major in music at college. One day I was on my way to the home of a tribal Chief to tune his piano, when, I happened to hear on the car radio that a law had been passed decreeing that all Indian Chiefs were to be accorded the same privileges as state governors. When I arrived I commented, "Well Chief, I understand you are to be honored just like a governor." The elderly Chief, usually a man of few words, smiled and said, "True, and even as we speak, I have state troopers out looking for women for me."

BLOG NUMBER 19

Mp3 DOWNLOAD: The Drug Dealer's Cat.

Over the past half century I have written a lot of music. A lot of it was published. A lot was recorded by various artists. I earned membership in ASCAP (American Society Of Composers, Authors, and Publishers) and made a bit of money to boot, but, piano tuning and repair has always been my first love. In my younger days I worked for two major record companies almost full time, and, toured with some important artists. During that tenure I learned to produce recording sessions. Today, I often enjoy recording in my home studio. I thought I would share some of my music with my blog readers from time to time. Here is the first offering:

This is a soft jazz piece that I wrote in the late 90's. On the recording I play piano, synthesiser, bass, and drums via studio magic. Like most jazz compositions it goes on forever. Well actually, a bit under seven minutes. I was looking for a catchy title, hence, The Drug Dealer's Cat.

The title is based on a real drug dealer's cat named Pounce. A drug dealer rented a house in my upscale neighborhood in order to sell pharmaceuticals to the affluent kids who attend our local high school. Whenever he opened his door to serve his clients his cat, Pounce, would slip out and usually wind up on my front porch paying a visit to my two cats. Eventually the drug dealer would come by and collect Pounce. The dealer was actually a rather nice guy, given his profession. Like most dealers, he did not use drugs himself and his wife and children seemed well cared for. Our local police made no attempt to arrest him. Once they became aware of him, they simply started parking a police car in front of his house day and night. Of course, this caused his clients to stay away. After a few weeks the drug dealer moved. My wife and I still miss Pounce the cat.

TO GET YOUR FREE MP3 DOWNLOAD E-MAIL rockpresspublishing@comcast.net AND PUT DRUG DEALER'S CAT IN THE SUBJECT LINE. YOU WILL BE E-MAILED BACK AN MP3 FILE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR SOME OF MY GOSPEL COMPOSITIONS, WHICH I WROTE, ARRANGED, AND, PLAYED PIANO ON, GOOGLE GOSPEL RECORDING ARTIST JANIE CHRISTINA. TWO SONGS, GOD DIDN'T SEND ME HERE TO LOOSE, AND GRACE, ARE ALSO AVAILABLE AS RING TONES.

DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES

In the mid 1980's Paul Simon released a song called DIAMONDS ON THE SOLES OF HER SHOES on his award winning GRACELAND album. This concept is not as fictional as it sounds. One only has to travel in South Africa to witness poor people using diamonds for all types of ordinary purposes from shoe spikes to electrical insulators. Diamonds are not that hard to find, but, they are nearly impossible to export or sell, unless, you are one of the companies that make up the DE BEERS cartel. Diamonds were discovered in South Africa in the 1890's. By around 1907 the mine operators, like DE BEERS, realized that the only way to keep the precious gems value high, was to limit the production and distribution. Diamonds are thus regulated to this day. Hence they retain their value. On this fact begins my story:

There was a couple who fled Vietnam during the fall of Saigon in 1975. They ended up in Marlton NJ in a small one bedroom apartment and eventually birthed a daughter. When the girl grew older, they bought a used piano and started her on lessons. They called me to tune the piano. I serviced the piano for them several times a year and we became friends. The husband, who had been in finance in Vietnam, had taken an entry level job with a local bank and quickly rose to a high executive position. The little apartment was replaced with a mansion in Voorhees, and, the used piano with a concert grand that cost over $125,000.00. The daughter wound up as a student at the University Of Pennsylvania and there met her future husband.

One evening I arrived to tune the piano as the daughter was pulling out of the driveway. She stopped her car and called me over, waving her hand out the window to show off a diamond ring. Look! Look mister Aaron! I'm engaged! When I entered the house I immediately congratulated the parents. The mother smiled proudly. The father frowned and turned his head away. "Something wrong," I inquired? "The diamond he gave her is so small," he scoffed, "it's an insult." I told him, from my own observations, young people did not value jewelry in the same way that older generations did, and, that since his future son-in-law was a medical student, I was sure there would be bigger gems in his daughter's future. I also mentioned that his daughter seemed more than happy with her ring. He said, "You do not understand old friend. My wife and I had to bribe our way to Saigon using our diamond jewelry. Our rings got us seats on one of the last helicopters out of Vietnam. That ring that boy gave my daughter wouldn't get them bus fare to Camden!"
I explained that most people don't generally view their jewelry as a ticket to freedom. His daughter was born in America and raised as an American. She does not expect to have to flee on a moments notice. This explanation brought a smile to his face. "I understand now,old friend. I trust what you say." Incidentally, I now tune the daughter's piano. She, and her husband, just celebrated their tenth anniversary. Her husband bought her large diamond ear rings.

THE BIG ROUNDUP

The Border Collie, according to the American Kennel Club, is arguably one of the most intelligent dog breeds. Some animals manage to learn hundreds of commands and act on them reliably. Also known as Scotch Sheep Dogs, their primary function is to herd sheep, or other animals, into a group and then escort them into a corral. I have actually seen Border Collies herd ferocious bulls back into their chutes at rodeos. Not bad for a 35 to 40 pound dog. The dogs usually work in pairs, and, in addition to simply chasing and barking at the targeted animals, they are often able to stare an uncooperative animal into submission. This maneuver is usually referred to as "putting the eye on them." My late wife Lois "put the eye" on the children and myself many a time.

I have a customer who has a home on about three acres of land out in the country. A busy highway boarders the front of the property and a swift flowing stream runs across the back. This busy mom depends on two Border Collies to keep her three youngsters safely within the perimeters of the yard, and, to keep any strangers who might wander by away from the children. One afternoon I was tuning her piano when a number of other moms arrived with their kids in tow for a play date. The kids were left to their own devices in the yard while the moms gathered in the kitchen for pastries and gossip. All of a sudden those of us in the house could hear the children screaming and crying. The moms, and myself, all bolted out into the yard thinking someone had been injured. We found the nine children, ranging in age from toddler to preteen, seated back to back in a tight circle with the collies pacing around them like it was a roundup for a herd of sheep. What caused the dogs to take action is up for speculation. Maybe the kids were playing to rough with each other, or, teasing the dogs, or possibly, were wandering too close to the highway or stream. Whatever happened, the Border Collies had the situation well in hand.

If this story makes you think that a Border Collie might make a great pet I urge you to do a lot or research before choosing this breed. They are smart, energetic, and love to work. Out of boredom they have been known to chew holes right thru walls, or, dig holes outdoors deep enough to install a swimming pool. Due to their intelligence level they sometimes become neurotic if not provided with constant mental stimulation.

THE COMPLIMENT

For more than a decade I maintained a large scale garden railroad in the front yard of my home.  The railroad consisted of LGB large sized trains running thru a garden setting which featured buildings, rock work, a pond, and over a dozen varieties of miniature plants from around the world. It combined my hobby of railroading with my wife's interest in gardening. My daughter Jane's Papillon dog Cinnamon served as our security guard. The railway became quite an attraction in our neighborhood and I would host an open house most Sunday afternoons for friends, neighbors, and piano tuning customers. Often I would allow visitors to operate the trains.  On one visit, piano clients of mine asked if it would be possible for them to come back on a weekday and bring their elderly parents who were visiting from Japan.  We set up a date.

The day our visitors from Japan arrived, I expected they would stay about an hour.  To my surprise the elderly parents spent nearly three hours bending and stooping to inspect every plant leaf and patch of moss. Because they spoke little English, other family members translated their questions to me and my answers to them.  It seemed like every person present was toting at least two cameras and hundreds of photographs and videos were taken.  As the afternoon grew long, my wife Lois came out and invited everyone inside for refreshments.

Once inside our house, the visitors became interested interested in viewing and photographing the many items my wife and I enjoyed collecting, as well as, playing with our seven Papillon show dogs while inspecting their trophies.  At some point the elderly grandfather ran out of steam and plopped down on our sofa for a much needed rest.  Meanwhile, the rest of the family was admiring a miniature doll house my daughter Jane was building. His wife asked where Jane was able to buy the tiny furniture and my wife explained, thru the translator, that Jane built it herself.  At this point I had joined the grandfather on the sofa.  Upon hearing the translated answer, he stood up and started inspecting the sofa he had been sitting on.  He lifted up cushions and vigorously shook the arms and back.  Finally he bowed towards me and grinned.  In what English he could muster he said, "good, yes, nice job!"

THERE'S ALWAYS A JOEL

Over the years, I have tuned pianos for a few Joels, and have concluded that, if you want your next baby boy to be a success name him Joel. Joels usually do well in life. Just look at Pastor Joel Osteen or Joel Grey (PHOTO), beloved star of the musical Cabaret. I had occasion to meet Joel Grey and was surprised to learn he is an equally famous photographer. Joels are over achievers! Of course, the first Joel we know of is the the prophet who lived about 800 years before Christ in Judah. He wrote the Book Of Joel, so short, it's barely a pamphlet, and it not only made the Jewish Tanakh, but, also the Christian Old Testament. Talk about syndication! Michael Angelo also painted Joel on the ceiling of the Sisting Chapel, bypassing many other prophets who wrote bigger books. Joel had some publicist!

According to the United States Census Bureau Joel is a fairly popular boy's name. It, of course, is of Hebrew origin. It means: Jehovah Is The Lord. In modern times it means: Joel is the boss. The really BIG boss. Look high enough up in any large corporate structure and there is always a Joel. In the halls of commerce Joel is equal to Elvis or Liza. No title or last name needed. The underlings speak it in reverent tones. "Has Joel approved this?" "This directive comes right from Joel."

I decided to test the power of the name Joel. I would walk into a big department store and bring a small purchase to the courtesy desk. "This will be going on sale in about two weeks," I'd say, "but, I'm a friend of Joel in cooperate and he said to tell you it was ok to give me the 15% off today." It never failed. When checking into a chain hotel like a Hilton I'd say, "Did Joel from corporate remember to call and request a room upgrade for my wife and I?" Often we got suite for the price of a room. Several summers ago I was walking the boardwalk at Ocean City New Jersey on an evening just after a small hurricane had hit. I noticed a TV news crew from a major Philadelphia station setting up to do a clip to run live on the eleven o clock news. I went several blocks down the boardwalk and started telling groups of teenage girls to go up to the news van and tell the crew that Joel said to put them on live to give their impressions of the storm. After a while I walked back up by the van and stood in a crowd of folks watching the crew set up. From this vantage point I could hear the anchor woman and camera guy asking the girls if they were sure this is what Joel wanted. About a dozen excited teens assured them that this was what Joel himself said. The anchor woman, still doubting, called the station headquarters on her cell phone. She asked whomever answered her call, "Do we have a Joel? We do. I don't suppose he's there now." I guess the person on the other end of the line informed her that Joel was too important to be working at 10:45 at night. The anchor woman sighed and yelled to the camera crew, "we'd better put the girls on." I had just programed the news. I smiled. There's always a Joel.