THERE'S ALWAYS A JOEL

Over the years, I have tuned pianos for a few Joels, and have concluded that, if you want your next baby boy to be a success name him Joel. Joels usually do well in life. Just look at Pastor Joel Osteen or Joel Grey (PHOTO), beloved star of the musical Cabaret. I had occasion to meet Joel Grey and was surprised to learn he is an equally famous photographer. Joels are over achievers! Of course, the first Joel we know of is the the prophet who lived about 800 years before Christ in Judah. He wrote the Book Of Joel, so short, it's barely a pamphlet, and it not only made the Jewish Tanakh, but, also the Christian Old Testament. Talk about syndication! Michael Angelo also painted Joel on the ceiling of the Sisting Chapel, bypassing many other prophets who wrote bigger books. Joel had some publicist!

According to the United States Census Bureau Joel is a fairly popular boy's name. It, of course, is of Hebrew origin. It means: Jehovah Is The Lord. In modern times it means: Joel is the boss. The really BIG boss. Look high enough up in any large corporate structure and there is always a Joel. In the halls of commerce Joel is equal to Elvis or Liza. No title or last name needed. The underlings speak it in reverent tones. "Has Joel approved this?" "This directive comes right from Joel."

I decided to test the power of the name Joel. I would walk into a big department store and bring a small purchase to the courtesy desk. "This will be going on sale in about two weeks," I'd say, "but, I'm a friend of Joel in cooperate and he said to tell you it was ok to give me the 15% off today." It never failed. When checking into a chain hotel like a Hilton I'd say, "Did Joel from corporate remember to call and request a room upgrade for my wife and I?" Often we got suite for the price of a room. Several summers ago I was walking the boardwalk at Ocean City New Jersey on an evening just after a small hurricane had hit. I noticed a TV news crew from a major Philadelphia station setting up to do a clip to run live on the eleven o clock news. I went several blocks down the boardwalk and started telling groups of teenage girls to go up to the news van and tell the crew that Joel said to put them on live to give their impressions of the storm. After a while I walked back up by the van and stood in a crowd of folks watching the crew set up. From this vantage point I could hear the anchor woman and camera guy asking the girls if they were sure this is what Joel wanted. About a dozen excited teens assured them that this was what Joel himself said. The anchor woman, still doubting, called the station headquarters on her cell phone. She asked whomever answered her call, "Do we have a Joel? We do. I don't suppose he's there now." I guess the person on the other end of the line informed her that Joel was too important to be working at 10:45 at night. The anchor woman sighed and yelled to the camera crew, "we'd better put the girls on." I had just programed the news. I smiled. There's always a Joel.

SIGNS I'VE SEEN.

In my years as a piano technician and musician I've spent a lot of time driving. In an average work day about half the time is spent behind the wheel. When I chance to see an interesting road sign or billboard I make a note of it. Following are some of my favorites:

Sign at a restaurant entrance: REST ROOM FOR PATRONS ONLY. HOSTESS WILL SEAT YOU.

Posted at a convent parking area: NO PARKING ANY TIME. VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW. SISTERS OF MERCY.

Sign for an auto repair shop: SHAFTOS GARAGE.

Sign for the name of a bar: HE'S NOT HERE.

Posted on a fast food drive thru window: BRAILLE MENU AVAILABLE.

Displayed on the rear of a delivery truck: DRIVER HAS NO CASH, HE'S MARRIED.

Sign on a beauty salon: CURL UP AND DYE.

A billboard message: THIS SUNDAY BEFORE THE GAME LET'S MEET AT MY HOUSE. GOD.

Sign on the office of a septic tank pumping company: MY WIFE KEEPS HER NOSE OUT OF MY BUSINESS.

Sign at the gate of a Victorian mansion: TRESPASSERS WILL DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE.

Warning sign: HOSPITAL ZONE. NO BARKING. Apparently in this town there are people who bark, or, dogs that can read.

Sign on a Church at the sea shore:  OUR LIFEGUARD WALKS ON WATER

Some interesting street name signs I've encountered: PENNY LANE. EASY STREET. NO NAME ROAD. SESAME STREET. SHADES OF DEATH ROAD. Google that last one.

THE UGLY LAMP

Before I get to the lamp story, I want to post a photo of my new dog Panda. My miniature Schnauzer, Katie, passed away in November 2010. On December 7, 2010 I got Panda, an eight week old Maltechon. Her father was a Maltese and her mother was a Bichon. She is one of the "designer dogs" that have become popular in recent years. The idea is to mix two pure bred dogs to create a dog that carries the best traits of each parent. It seems to work well. At this writing Panda is three months old and a real joy to own. She is a bit over seven pounds and will be no more than eleven pounds fully grown.

Now for the lamp: I was working on a customers piano when I accidentally knocked a large lamp off of a nearby table. I remembered noticing the lamp when I came into the room and thinking to myself that it had to be as ugly a lamp as I had ever seen. It looked like a first timers ceramics project gone bad! When it hit the tile floor it broke into many pieces and was beyond repair. Now I would not have paid three bucks for this lamp at a yard sale so I was surprised, when I offered to pay for the lamp, that my customer claimed she had paid $300.00 for it. Since she was a first time customer I had no real reason to trust her and suspected she was trying to make a fast buck at my expense. I explained that since the lamp was that expensive, I would file a claim with my insurance carrier. I took the manufacturer's name and model number off the base of the lamp and promised to get back to her in a few days. I tracked down the manufacturer and placed a call to their sales representative. I explained the situation and asked if my customer could have paid $300.00 for the lamp. The sales representative was bewildered. "I don't see how she could have paid that," he stated. I said to myself, I knew that woman was a chiseler! "Perhaps," the sales guy ventured," if she purchased it second hand, or, at a going out of business sale. List price on that lamp is $750.00." My next phone call was to tell my customer that I was putting a $300.00 check in the mail immediately. I guess the lesson here lies somewhere between the fact that there is no accounting for taste and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

MY KID PLAYS FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA

GRANDCHILDREN, MINE, are working on their future college placements.....by playing the piano! Surprised? Studies show that music students score higher on the SATs in both verbal and math skills than their non-musical peers. Music participants also receive more academic honors and awards, have higher grade point averages, and score higher on standardized tests. Musicians are also the largest single group admitted to medical schools. Doubt it? On your next office visit, ask your doctor what instrument he or she plays. Almost all physicians have musical backgrounds. This is why all four of my grandkids are involved in music. A recent ten year study of 25,000 students proved that musicians are better equipped to comprehend mathematical and scientific concepts, regardless of socioeconomic backgrounds. Even students who are underachievers, or, have behavioral problems, show improvement after embarking on music lessons. In study after study, scientists are finding correlations between music making and the deepest workings of the human brain. College age musicians prove to be emotionally healthier than their non-musician counterparts. In addition, many colleges give substantial scholarships to musicians, especially pianists. A student need not even be enrolled in the music program. An engineering major willing to play for the glee club, or chapel, can often earn a free ride. A parent can brag that "My kid plays for the University Of Pennsylvania." and the kid never touches a football. Next time a decision needs to be made between music, sports, or, some other activity, choose music. Preferably the piano.
NO TALENT IS NEEDED to play the piano. Agreed, it takes talent to become a great pianist, but, to play a piano reasonably well requires less comprehension and hand to eye coordination, than it takes to operate an automobile. Unlike other instruments that require a player to make, or form, the note tones, all one need to do on a piano is simply push down a key. Although a piano keyboard looks complicated, there are actually only a dozen keys to deal with. The same dozen keys repeat themselves at lower or higher pitch all up and down the keyboard. Picture an automobile with six steering wheels lined up across the dash board, and, any one you choose, will steer the car. An average adult, willing to devote twenty minutes a day, can learn to play most popular music, reasonably well, in about six months. Most children who practice ten minutes, twice a day, five days a week, can become proficient in both classical and popular music in five to seven years. Many parents whine that their kids "don't show any interest," or, "get bored easily." If reading or math were approached on that basis, then, kids would never learn those skills either. Music is an important part of every child's education. Do your job, parent!
HELP IS AVAILABLE. If you need a teacher, have a piano to be tuned or repaired, or, wish to rent or purchase a piano at reasonable cost, call me at 609-220-6589.

I CAME WITH THE PIANO

The two gentlemen pictured need no photo caption. That's how it is when your really famous. In my long carrier as a piano tuner/technician, I have had the privilege being of service to so many of the greats. People who became celebrities the old fashioned way, thru real talent and hard work. Not because of some publicity stunt they pulled that landed them on the Internet. Why do there performers choose me as their piano technician? To be truthful they usually just wind up with me by chance. I came along with the piano that was rented for the concert. I am one of the tuners who does work for the venue they appeared at. The concert promoter uses me when the need arises. Often I get to meet the artist. Sometimes I become their regular technician and even take care of their home piano. Sometimes we get to be friends. In a few rare cases, usually do to a common interest, we hang out together.

MY RULES CONCERNING CELEBRITIES: I treat them like regular people, which they appreciate. They grow weary of the fawning, fussing, groveling, and the yes yes yesing! I deal with them in a professional, but, friendly manner. I do not ask for photos, autographs, tickets, or, other favors. If something is offered I graciously accept. I am respectful of their talent, but, do not rave on. I do give what help I can offer. It can be as simple a thing as offering to bring back a cup of coffee when I go to get one for myself. The most important thing is I am always honest if my opinion is asked. Celebrities hate being lied to.

Those whom have played or performed with pianos I have tuned are in alphabetical order by last name: Jenna Angeloni, Burt Bacharach, Tony Bennett, Victor Borge, Ray Charles, Kristin Chenoweth, Janie Christina, Judy Collins, Ginger Coyle, Duke Ellington, Ferranti & Teicher, Melody Gardot, Billy Joel, Elton John, Lang Lang, Liberace, Al Martino, Taylor Mason, Liza Minnelli, Dudley Moore, Ricky Nelson, Willie Nelson, Peter Nero, Luciano Pavarotti, Frank Sinatra, Roger Williams, and many others. I'm sure I've forgotten someone. E-mail me if I did.

Of course I've also done work for hundreds of the rich and famous who are not musical performers such as actors, politicians, professional athletes, socialites, royalty, etc. And then there are the regular folks who are the bulk of any piano tuner's clients, but, many of which have interesting stories of their own. In this blog, I hope to write about them all. Incidently, I have also played piano as a studio session musician for many recording artists. If you would like to HEAR ME PLAY THE PIANO just Google Janie Christina. The pianist backing her up on any of her recordings is me, or, E-Mail rockpresspublishing@comcast.net and request free MP3 downloads.

CELL PHONE SURPRISE!

I GREW UP with telephones. When I was a youngster most people who lived in the city did not have home telephones. The several phone booths at the corner store served the neighborhood. Later, in my preteens, most families had two or four party lines. If things got dull you picked up the receiver, holding your hand over the mouthpiece, and listened in on the neighbors conversations. By the time I was in high school, private lines had finally arrived. All phones were rotary dial until the touch tone phone arrived when I was in my twenties. I had a small part in developing the touch tone system. See my blog THE 88 KEY ADDICTION.
AS A PIANO TECHNICIAN the telephone has always been a lifeline for my business. I always kept up with the latest technology. I was one of the first people in my area to have a mobile car phone, more than thirty years ago. The device took up more than half of the trunk of my full sized sedan. It required a huge antenna. It cost about $2500.00 to purchase (about $4,000.00 in today;s dollars) and $100.00 a month just to be connected, plus, $1.00 a minute to talk. The expense was justified because it freed my wife from having to stay in the office anytime I was on the road to field phone calls. Quite often I would arrive at a customer's home to tune a piano and they would inquire about the antenna. Of, course, they would stroll out to the car to look at the phone. I would tell them if they would cover the dollar a minute charge they could try it out. Usually some guy would call his brother and say, "Ron, you won't believe it, but, I'm talking to you from a car!"
EVENTUALLY I GRADUATED to a portable phone that was about the size of a small suitcase. I was able to carry it around with me and stay in touch. Once, when eating at a lunch counter, the device rang loudly and startled the gentleman seated on the stool beside me. Upon answering the call, I realized it was my wife. I handed the receiver to the still shaken fellow and calmly said, "it's for you."
IN MY LIFE, I've gone from no phone in the home to a cell phone I can hold in the palm of my hand and talk on inexpensively. Amazing!

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Meet my cat Gaitway Jordan, rescued him from an animal shelter in 2000. He was found abandoned by a gate in a park so the shelter named him Gateway. I changed the spelling to Gaitway and added the Jordan. Almost always, when I am at the computer, he sits by my side. Just thought you might like to meet my "editor." Now, on with the story:

About forty years ago I was tuning a piano in the recreation center of a nursing home when a lady in a wheel chair rolled up and settled in to watch me work. As I plunked along note by note setting each string into proper tune, more and more people showed up to watch. Soon I had gathered quite an audience. I kept tuning, plunk, ping, ding, on and on for most of an hour. When I was finished, I packed up my tools and made my way thru the crowd towards the exit. A white haired woman in a wheel chair tugged at my sleeve and said, "We appreciate your effort in coming here young man, but, you're the worst piano player we've ever heard!" I went back to the piano and played a couple of tunes......just to redeem myself.